Strauss stresses, "If you think mostly about the disease, then the person will become the disease. You are visiting with a person, and both of you need to be conscious of that."

What is sometimes the most difficult for caregivers to realize is that although the dynamics of the relationship may have to change, the basics are still there. "If we look back on the times when we’ve had the most joy being with someone, we find that we don’t remember all of the activities and conversations, but we really do remember being in the presence of that person," Strauss says. That’s why it’s so important not to treat people with Alzheimer’s disease like children. "They can tell whether they’re being treated like an adult or not."

In her book, Strauss suggests many tips for improving relationships between caregivers and individuals with Alzheimer’s. Drawing from her experience as an English professor and communications consultant, she says, "Communication is a very huge, general, broad arena and issues dealing with Alzheimer’s disease have to do with relationships and communication." In the classroom, she says, "I teach students about sending and receiving messages, whether oral or written. And I try to make them aware of how others perceive messages. That helps to refine how people craft their messages." It’s this premise that leads to the tips in her book.

"Don’t put people on the spot," she says. "We do that by asking questions. When we ask a question, we’re asking the person to process a lot of information. If they can’t answer they feel degraded and humiliated." Instead, she says, make a comment like, "Your hair looks really good today," rather than "Did you get your hair done today?"

Caregivers should also expect a lot of repetition, Strauss says. People struggling with the disease can’t remember that they just had the conversation they are now repeating. Therefore, she says, they will say the same thing and ask the same thing over and over. "When people can’t remember the answer to a question, they can’t stay reassured," she says. The best way to deal with this is to constantly provide reassurance.

There are several ways to do this, says Strauss. You can reassure someone with words, by showing them what they need to see, by acting as if you haven’t been asked before, or by communicating in your gestures, your tone of voice, and your bearing, your complete confidence that their need will be met.

...it’s so important not to treat people with Alzheimer’s disease like children. "They can tell whether they’re being treated like an adult or not."

Claudia Strauss, Author "Talking to Alzheimer's"

Basically, says Strauss, it all comes down to dignity. "Alzheimer’s and related diseases threaten the dignity of sufferers, not only because of their own awareness of things, not being right and of things not being in their control, but also because of the way they are treated."

Having patience, understanding, and flexibility are essential qualities when dealing with a family member or friend with Alzheimer’s disease, says the Alzheimer’s Association. In addition, staying positive and being supportive as changes in the relationship occur will help both parties to enjoy the times spent together better.

Strauss stresses that, "This book is not a prescription at all. In fact, it’s mostly common sense. It’s just that when a person is in the situation they can’t see it. When they read the book, an ‘ah ha!’ happens and they see how doable it is."

Learning how to interact with Alzheimer’s sufferers has been extremely gratifying for Strauss. "They’re my friends. People who are like family now," she says. However, the public response to her book has also been overwhelming. After reading the book, a gentleman approached Strauss and said that he finally learned he had a role to play in his father’s illness. "That role was to give his father dignity," Strauss says. "Once he knew that, everything changed."

MORE INFORMATION